"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge."
- Bertrand Russell
"I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted."
- David Cross
So
a friend of mine invited me to do a weekly column on
his blog site. I thought that was right neighborly of him.
Essentially, if I understand the offer correctly, I get to write about whatever I want. It can be a weekly rambling, a thrice-monthly recommendation, a biweekly endorsement, free association jazz poetry, favorite chili recipes, selected love letters to Ann Coulter, whatever blows my ever-dwindling hair back. That’s just a recipe for disaster – I mean, look at
this site, for Christ’s sake.
Ideally, it would be a weekly submission.
Ideally. My goal is to collect these little musings, to form some sort of useless portfolio with them that no one will ever want to read for any practical purpose whatsoever. I figure, aim low and you can’t be disappointed. Right? Well, I believe you can't find disappointment in anything anyway. It finds you.
So I’m trying to think of a name for the fated (fêted? fetid?) column. I’ve got a few ideas in my pun-infested pocket (that sounded a lot grosser than I intended it to, sorry). But do you, Dear Readers, have any suggestions? Just leave your picks in the comments section. I eagerly await reading them.
Leave some sort of name, nick or otherwise, so that I may identify you. Fake names are fine too - I'm looking at you MagicTheGathering69!
I hereby solemnly swear that I will write a selection of nonsensical poems about my favorite suggestions. Who could pass that up?
And if I use your suggestion, I will dedicate an entire post to extolling your good graces / graceful goodness, most handsome/winsome features and most endearing/enduring qualities. Even if I don’t know you personally/carnally. That’s the kind of guy I am.
So name away,
America! Actually, name away, World! I have global reach with this electronic contraption. I see you peeking from time to time, my friends in
Canada,
Malaysia,
Germany and
Sweden! Tell your story to the world, World!
Yours ever (hurting never),
D’Artagnan
59 comments:
wait so I get to suggest something? I would definitely call it sexualcontactat...thepunkguy.com
or maybe cash cab confessions.
Oh screw it, you were always a better writer than me anyway..
don't forget you get space to put some music too. think about the possibilites..
k
Thanks Kutmaster Krist.
What, no other suggestions?
How bout:
- The Angina Monologues
- Postcards from the Ledge
- From a Poisoned Well
- Hooray for Tuesday (if I put it out on Tuesdays, that is)
- Git-R-Done or Git to Gittin'
- Love Letters to Ann Coulter
I know I use the Ann Coulter thing too much, but doggone it, I like it, people.
I'll try to think of some more...
how about:
self addressed stamped envelopes from edge.
44 bottles of birch beer on the wall
(counting down with each one)
TGIT (if you do it on tuesdays)((or thursdays))
Motherfucker I got a gun!
Deathblog, the blog that eats people.
those are some of mine.
"Deathblog, the Blog That Eats People."
I like where your head is at, Barack.
Now if I could just figure out what the dubya-tee-eff your name means.
I like where this is going, How about Sexual Contact High, that's got to be the name of something.
or,
-where the ledge ends
Thank you Copperpot. Say hi to Sloth Fratelli for me.
Hmm. Where the Ledge Ends. Very Silversteinian. Nice.
S'mores:
- Ledge-ends of the Fall
- Hot Ledge-bo Action
- Captain Ledge Antilles
I know you're all at the ledge of your seats wondering what terrible know-ledge we'll come up with next. But I solemnly ledge to you that I'll stop this nonsense tomorrow. A-ledge-edly.
Ledge just forget about it, okay?
Hi There I'd like to thank you for such a terrific quality forum!
Just thought this would be a nice way to make my first post!
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