Monday, December 18, 2006

Good Night, and Good Grief...

Every so often, friends, a piece of news comes along that shakes the fine art of journalism to its very core.

This is just such an article. From its headline to the period at the end, this is perfect.

It can honestly be said: Edward R. Murrow, you are no Richard Johnson.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

2006: My Favorite Albums A.K.A. Listen, Rinse, Repeat


As 2006 draws to its inevitable close, I can't help but look back on it and reflect. I think my thoughts on 2006 can best be expressed with the phrase "Smell ya later!" Yes, I'm not opposed to closing the books on this one, truth be told. It was pretty effed for the most part.

Which isn't to say there weren't some massive nights, great road trips, parties, weekend getaways, vacations, new friends and albums along the way. And while I'd love to post about them all, there just isn't enough time or electrons on the internets to do that.

But I'll tell you what, I can tell you about some of my favorite albums. In fact, I already did! My good friend Kutmaster Krist 5000 posted them up on his own site for all the world to enjoy. So please feel free to click HERE and peruse to your heart's content. This collection will not impact your life significantly, but it will kill a good 5 minutes of your time. Imagine how much time I killed writing it! Wowee!

I'm going to try and kill more time in 2007 this way. I'm sure I'll post/pontificate plenty more before the year is over, but this list just went up today and I wanted to let folks know.

Have a happy Wednesday and a merry weekend, children!


PS - Speaking of "massive nights," I must admit to an egregious error on my part. My top 15 of 2006 does not include The Hold Steady's transplendent album "Boys and Girls in America." I'm not sure how I let that one slip, but really, who ever heard of a Top 16 Records of the year list? Or Top 15, for that matter. Hmm. Anyway, it's a good album, I hope you own it soon or already.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

You Literally Can't Make This Shit Up (Part Deux)

Wow, another great piece of news today. This one takes the cake. Then it tells you why you shouldn't eat cake.

In his column "The Big Picture," Jim Rutz, a right-wing conservative columnist issued a real pearl of wisdom, entitled "A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals." Mr. Rutz asserts that soy products, while certainly an occasional source of nutritional benefit, are slowly lightening the loafers of America's youth.

You heard me: soy makes you gay. Well color me chartreuse and hand me a flower for my lapel. I'm glad we've identified the cause after all these years. I suppose it's the soy that allows them to grow those superhuman mustaches...

But I digest. I mean, digress.

The article has multiple pillars of insight, but I found the following paragraph to be the cornerstone in his Tower of Babble.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.

He also claims that feeding a baby with soy milk has the equivalent effect on them of giving them five birth control pills. Which is an interesting claim, albeit a completely insane one.

So there you have it, folks. Those delicious Chik patties you've been scarfing up for the past few years will literally turn your flag-wielding, church-going, no premarital sex-having sons and daughters into a nation of Ru Pauls during fleet week. Vegetarians? More like Future Sodomites of America.

I hope you're all so very proud of yourselves. Does it make you feel more like a real (wo)man to make your kids feel like less of a (wo)man and maybe even eventually possibly want to have sexual relations with a (wo)man of the same sex? Whoah, man.

Although, now that I'm thinking about it, there was always something "fruity" about the name "Tofutti." Wocka, wocka, wocka.

I sure hope the terrorists don't find out about this. They'll have a field day with it.

Bad Parenting in the 21st Century

My god, it has come to this. Blackberries are replacing drinking problems.

You know, I remember the days when a bad parent was just a bad parent, either because of a lack of responsibility, sound parenting skills or just a few too many banana daiquiris after work. But I guess I’m just thinking back to more idyllic times. Nowadays, parents are turning to Blackberries for escape from their brats.

And that’s even scarier.

Worse, some people give them pet names, like "Crackberries" - isn't that just so fucking adorable? No. No, it's not.
I used to have one at my old job. Thankfully, when I left that abysmal place behind, I left that wretched device as well. Which isn’t to say it wasn’t a way to make free long distance phone calls or as a tool for checking my Gmail account while riding on a train, but it really seems as though some people actually love the little pieces of crap. To the point of ignoring their own children. Amazing.

This story is more disturbing than Michael “KKKramer” Richard’s comedy routine. I mean, when I have kids, I hope (nay, expect!) there will be better reasons to ignore them than a stupid handheld device.

Here’s holding out hope for the future, right?

Speaking of the future, when the hell are they going to get around to making hoverboards and flying cars, by the way???


Monday, December 11, 2006

"Mission Accomplished"

Someone sent this to me today. I thought it was an interesting perspective on the sinkhole that has become the Iraq war, as well as our foreign policy.

Happy Monday!

University of Michigan history professor Juan Cole has provided a unique perspective on the war in Iraq.

Imagine that China has invaded America.

Reflecting the larger U.S. population, Cole imagines that 3,300 Americans are dying in car bombings, rocket attacks, and aerial bombardments, per week.

Meanwhile, most reporters are trapped in Washington, DC hotels, dependent on Chinese troops to protect them.

Nearly 300,000 rebels, armed with machine guns, assault rifles, rocket-propelled grenades, and mortar launchers, control Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Denver and Omaha.

In the past year, the Secretary of State, the President, the Attorney General, and various Governors have been assassinated.

There is almost no commercial air traffic, and many roads are dangerous. To travel on I-95, for example, you risk being carjacked, kidnapped, or killed.

Electricity goes off throughout the day, if you are lucky enough to have it.

Meanwhile, the unemployment rate is 40%.

Despite all this, Chinese leaders assure you that you are better off now, and that they are bringing democracy and freedom to your country.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

A Very Bebop Christmas

I know it's only December 7, but I know I could sure as hell use a kick in the ass to get myself in the holiday spirit.

And so I present to you: Bebop, the holiday pup. He's a dog. He's my friend. He's my friend's dog. And he's here to help. Although he lives in Jersey City, he'll be making the rounds this season making sure everyone has as much ice cold Budweiser as they can drink. He's also pretty handy with a tennis ball. In fact, it's a little-known secret, but he's one of the main reasons why Jersey City is so cool.

If this picture doesn't put you in the spirit immediately, consult your physician. You have some problems my friend, and your heart just might be a lump of black coal. I mean, look at that little guy. All he wants is for everyone to enjoy the cool refreshing taste of the King of Beers.

On behalf of everyone here at the Ledge, have a wonderful holiday. And this season, please remember to keep the "Bebop" in Christmas. I know I will.

I'll also be keeping the Budweiser in my tummy.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I Knew I Should Never Have Clicked On That "Myspace Jobs" Advertisement

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side."
- James Baldwin

Just today, I was thinking to myself, “Hey Self, it’s been a rather crappy week, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, Self, it certainly has. And it’s only Tuesday.”

“That’s true, Self. But last week kind of blurred into this one, did it not?”

“Yes, it most certainly did. And did I mention it’s only Tuesday?”

“Yes, I’m afraid you did, you handsome bastard.”

“Oh, Self… What are we going to do with ourSelves?”

Can you tell that I’m tired and losing my mind?

Without further crappola... the past week or so, in emails counts (Let me specify - WORK emails. Personal emails are a different and far more enjoyable species altogether.):

Monday – 121
Tuesday – 119
Wednesday – 183
Thursday – 148
Friday – 151
Saturday – 14*
Sunday – 10*
Monday – 204
Tuesday – 224

(* Yes, small numbers, I know, but they were on the weekend, so I’m counting them as ten weekday emails for every one weekend email. Totaling 140 and 100, respectively.)

As you can see, things are getting progressively worse. The bad days are the ones when I have to do other work, other than just answering all these damn emails. Which is... every day.

I’m wondering how this stacks up with other people out there. Am I crazy or is that a lot of mail to go through? Or am I just peeing my pants over nothing? (It’s been known to happen.)

Today is Tuesday. I posit that it is no coincidence the subject of the email I received today from Netflix said “For Wednesday: Repulsion.” So what if it was talking about this kind of Repulsion and not this kind.


Monday, December 04, 2006

If You Can Read This, You’re Too Cool

Wowee, boys and girls. So far, life back on the Jersey side of things has been a real cool time. I’m saving a bundle on rent and expenses, I see my peoples on a regular basis (that is, when I’m not working till 10:30 PM), I’ve enjoyed some fine art and some fine rock n’ roll (see previous post). All I need now is to find me a Jersey girl, take that little brat of hers and drop her off at her mom's and… oh, you know the rest of the words.

What I’m trying to say is: so far, so good.

And life was further validated for me this morning when I stumbled upon the following article in New York Magazine, which cites Jersey City as the official rebirth of the cool. That’s right, you heard me: it’s not just for Jay Z and Carlos D (What’s with the one letter last names? Coincidence? I think not.) anymore. Jersey City, like Wu Tang, is for the children. The cool children.

As I look around the streets of Manhattan and see million dollar apartments in neighborhoods that were once punk rock mecca, one bedroom apartments renting for thousands of dollars and an increasingly horrifying population of HUM-V driving uber-guidos and Paris Hilton STD hair weave factories, I really feel like I moved just in time.

Don’t believe me? You better axe somebody. Click HERE to read all about it.

Arthur Fonzarelli

My new neighborhood, as seen from my old neighborhood:

Friday, December 01, 2006

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chuck Out My Melody

Hello friend,

Say, do you like beers? And if someone were to ask you how you feel about stoner rock, what would you say? How about dudes named Chuck?

Well, if you like all three of those things, have I got a deal for you!

This weekend, I’d like to welcome you to Chuckapalooza, which is a name I just made up for a couple of events taking place in the pastoral village of Jersey City, NJ. The first part of Chuckapalooza is a silent auction art show, featuring some of my favorite bromigos: BJ Ervick, Brett S. Wilson, James O’Keeffe and – you guessed it – Chuck Daly.

These are some mighty creative dudes and they’ll all be showing some work at the Residue Art Gallery. There’s gonna be all these awesome things there like beer – I really think you’d like it. Details below. Look for the picture with the sleepy kitten.

Here he is!

Day two of Chucktoberfest (I just changed the name again, did you notice?) is a bit more rockin’, because you know what? We’re living in the free world. This is a show at a place called the Iron Monkey. It’s got more of that beer stuff going on, plus live stoner rock from the glorious notorious Thunder Lizard, featuring bass guitar stylings from – you guessed it – Chuck Daly. Another band called Old Ghost is playing and, last but not least, there will be some DJ sessions from my friends Jamil and Brett, aka DJ Shazam! and DJ Cupcakes. I don’t know what they’re going to play exactly, but I’d imagine it will probably not be from the last two decades. And it might occasionally be Japanese. But it’s cool, dude, you’ll like it.

You should go to that too. It starts at 9:30ish. Here’s the address for Iron Monkey and another flyer image follows below (look for the giant banana):

Iron Monkey
No. 97, Greene Street
Jersey City, NJ 07302

Maybe I’ll see you there? Unless you don’t go. Which would be a bummer. There’s this dude Chuck that’s gonna be there. You probably heard about him.

Sleepy kittens,