"There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge."
- Bertrand Russell
"I have always tried to use humor to "help ever" and "hurt never," for I find that to laugh is like swallowing a secret that Santa Claus farted."
- David Cross
So a friend of mine invited me to do a weekly column on his blog site. I thought that was right neighborly of him.
Essentially, if I understand the offer correctly, I get to write about whatever I want. It can be a weekly rambling, a thrice-monthly recommendation, a biweekly endorsement, free association jazz poetry, favorite chili recipes, selected love letters to Ann Coulter, whatever blows my ever-dwindling hair back. That’s just a recipe for disaster – I mean, look at this site, for Christ’s sake.
Ideally, it would be a weekly submission. Ideally. My goal is to collect these little musings, to form some sort of useless portfolio with them that no one will ever want to read for any practical purpose whatsoever. I figure, aim low and you can’t be disappointed. Right? Well, I believe you can't find disappointment in anything anyway. It finds you.
So I’m trying to think of a name for the fated (fêted? fetid?) column. I’ve got a few ideas in my pun-infested pocket (that sounded a lot grosser than I intended it to, sorry). But do you, Dear Readers, have any suggestions? Just leave your picks in the comments section. I eagerly await reading them.
Leave some sort of name, nick or otherwise, so that I may identify you. Fake names are fine too - I'm looking at you MagicTheGathering69!
I hereby solemnly swear that I will write a selection of nonsensical poems about my favorite suggestions. Who could pass that up?
And if I use your suggestion, I will dedicate an entire post to extolling your good graces / graceful goodness, most handsome/winsome features and most endearing/enduring qualities. Even if I don’t know you personally/carnally. That’s the kind of guy I am.
So name away,
Yours ever (hurting never),