Deadlier Than Pai-Mei's 5-Point Exploding Heart Technique

Seriously? If your heart does not explode or implode upon looking at this picture and then reading this story, it simply doesn't exist, Mr. Grinch.

It seems this little monkey was abandoned by his mother and left for dead until it was rescued by an animal hospital.

After that: "his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless - until he developed a friendship with a white pigeon."

Pai-mei could not be reached for comment on this story. But his publicist did call me a "treacherous dog."