The biggest news of the year.
No, the war's not over. Come on, gimme a break.
No, Georgie boy has not been impeached. (Fingers crossed)
No, we don't have centralized healthcare for all US citizens.
No, Al Gore has not announced his candidacy for president.
No, Anna Nicole did not come back to life.
No, Paris did not go back to jail.
No, Michael Richards did not convert to Islam.
No, Britney's hair hasn't grown back yet. (Well, maybe it did, but I don't care.)
No, Scientology is not a real religion.
No, the Simpsons movie didn't come out yet.
No, Tom Cruise didn't come out yet either.
BUT. Speaking of Tom Cruise coming out, there has been one important development this year.
R. KELLY IS RELEASING 10 MORE CHAPTERS OF "TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET."
Ten more!!!! That is huge news.
If you've never seen it (first of all, I don't believe you), "Closet" is easily the best example of "so bad it's good" entertainment I've ever seen. In fact, it's so bad, it's good and then it's bad again. It's fucking awful. It's absolutely ridiculous. It should never have been made once, let alone a second time.
In fact you should watch it. Click HERE to view the first 5 chapters! (Which totals over 20 minutes, by the way. So, with chapters 6 - 22, that means you have about 80 minutes of terrible, awful, shitty entertainment ahead of you. Amazing!)
I'm still reeling from shock. This is almost as amazing as when he performed a 7 minute acapella version at the MTV video music awards. And by "acapella," I obviously mean "horrendously lip-synced" over the full music and lyrics. That performance was so bad, I can't even talk about it... but you can watch it! Here: