Thursday, February 14, 2008

Many Bothans Died to Bring Us This Information

In yet another instance of life imitating art imitating Star Wars, I just read today that the United States is planning to shoot down a runaway spy satellite, before it enters the earth's atmosphere. Word on the street is that this is a pre-emptive strike, hoping to stop the leak of a deadly toxic gas from its fuel tank.

Wait, what???

Let me see... I guess we're fighting the satellite there, so we don't have to fight it here? Because, as everyone knows, if you don't eradicate a satellite while you have the chance, it will follow you home. Question: can we use waterboarding on a satellite?

In all honesty, why do I have the sneaking suspicion that perhaps it's not a Michael Bay-worthy film premise that is causing us to blow this thing up, but perhaps something else? An idea that wasn't cooked up by the mind of a 13 year old?

Oh wait - incoming message:

... the decision to shoot it down was taken by the President, George W Bush, after being told its re-entry could cause deaths.

However, some experts believe the risk is minimal and that the US wants to test out its missile-defence system.

The satellite is also carrying militarily-sensitive imaging sensors which the US would not want to fall into the wrong hands. It is impossible to predict where the satellite will land until it enters the atmosphere.

I rest my case. The quote above is unedited - it appeared exactly in that sequence in the article in the UK Telegraph. The simple combination of W wanting to blow it up, paired with the possibility of testing our blow-stuff-up capabilities and the very simple concept of it potentially having technology and information on it that we wouldn't want to share... well, as Tony Soprano once said, "You don't need a gynecologist to know which way the wind blows." Indeed, Tony.

We sure cracked that case, didn't we Encyclopedia Brown?!

1 comment:

Laradactyl said...

Doesn't that look a lot like this?


Also: When are you coming to visit and bringing your conspiracy theories to a city that can not only appreciate them, but back you up with further evidence and correlaries?