Many Bothans Died to Bring Us This Information

In yet another instance of life imitating art imitating Star Wars, I just read today that the United States is planning to shoot down a runaway spy satellite, before it enters the earth's atmosphere. Word on the street is that this is a pre-emptive strike, hoping to stop the leak of a deadly toxic gas from its fuel tank.


Wait, what???

Let me see... I guess we're fighting the satellite there, so we don't have to fight it here? Because, as everyone knows, if you don't eradicate a satellite while you have the chance, it will follow you home. Question: can we use waterboarding on a satellite?

In all honesty, why do I have the sneaking suspicion that perhaps it's not a Michael Bay-worthy film premise that is causing us to blow this thing up, but perhaps something else? An idea that wasn't cooked up by the mind of a 13 year old?

Oh wait - incoming message:

... the decision to shoot it down was taken by the President, George W Bush, after being told its re-entry could cause deaths.

Aha!

However, some experts believe the risk is minimal and that the US wants to test out its missile-defence system.

The satellite is also carrying militarily-sensitive imaging sensors which the US would not want to fall into the wrong hands. It is impossible to predict where the satellite will land until it enters the atmosphere.

Aha-Aha!

I rest my case. The quote above is unedited - it appeared exactly in that sequence in the article in the UK Telegraph. The simple combination of W wanting to blow it up, paired with the possibility of testing our blow-stuff-up capabilities and the very simple concept of it potentially having technology and information on it that we wouldn't want to share... well, as Tony Soprano once said, "You don't need a gynecologist to know which way the wind blows." Indeed, Tony.

We sure cracked that case, didn't we Encyclopedia Brown?!