It's a Box of Fucking Chocolates Alright

Life grows ever more surreal. And with the good, comes the bad. And vice versa. Or something like that. Count your lucky stars, amigos – I wrote a far darker version of this blog but then decided that the internet was fucked up enough already. So taste the rainbow and enjoy these little musings on how snuggling can bring you back from an internal apocalypse.

First, a love story.

My aunt, who just turned 76 years old, has just decided to get married. She raised six kids, lost her first husband several years ago and has seen more than her fair share of doom and gloom. And yet, for my whole life, she has remained one of the warmest, most generous and hilarious people I’ve ever met. And so, she is selling her house of many, many years, getting hitched and moving to Florida. Oh and did I mention that she’s known her “new” husband for her whole life? In fact they used to date in college and then fell out of touch for several decades while they lived with their respective spouses, both of whom have passed away. And now they’ve found each other again. That makes me so happy I wanna cry. It really truly does.

And here’s more positive news, the kind of which is the usual blog-worthy self-involved tripe. You can always count on me for some of that, o my brothers.

I WAS ON CASH CAB TODAY!!! AND I WON!!!!

It’s true. My friend Kristian (some call him The Punk Guy, but I sort of refuse to do that) and I found ourselves stepping into quite a surprise today. I won’t give away the details, since I want the show to remain successful, but hot shit was it a fun time!

And no, Cash Cab is not some kind of dirty pay-for-sex-on-a-bus (imagine the link I could have put there) or some other Internet-based scumbaggery. It's a gameshow in a taxi cab! Good family fun!

And we won! We really did. There were a few close calls, of course. In fact, we got the first fucking question wrong! I was not pleased. But, in the end, we walked away with quite the pocket full of pennies. We even won the video challenge / double-or-nothing question at the end and doubled our score! I don’t know when our episode will air, but rest assured, America’s favorite bald spot will be seen on the Discovery Channel before too long.

We couldn’t have done it without the help of my friend Brian aka Taco Bull. He was our "lifeline" and he answered a question correctly for us! The answer was "Catamaran."

How did Brian get the nickname Taco Bull you ask? I’m so glad you asked!

He tattooed himself with the name of a taco stand in Montreal on a bet. It was during a bachelor party, so it kind of makes sense in that context. But yeah, it’s totally awesome and totally stupid. Seeing these pictures, I can't believe he knew the answer to "Catamaran." Here’s a picture! Thanks Bri! I mean... Taco.